Personal Work: Got To Your Studio & Make Something Series
Yesterday was a bittersweet day for me. It was joyful because we were celebrating Luck-y Dog River’s second anniversary and his fourth year on this planet. Two years ago we welcomed this sweet rescue dog into our life and promised him he would have a loving forever-home with us. He has brought so much joy to our life and I am so proud of the progress we have made in undoing the psychological harm that was done to him in his early life. The bittersweet part is that this celebration of joy and happiness is coming one week after learning that River has a life threatening disease (idiopathic chylothorax, in case you’re curious). I don’t normally like to talk about something so personal, but this blog fells like it needs to be written.
My neighbor and friend Aislinn came over yesterday. At that moment I was feeling the strain of helplessness and waiting for the unknown, so I had barely restrained tears in my eyes when I answered the door. She hugged River and the next thing I knew we were both holding each other and crying. “I’m so sorry”, she said. “On the walk over here I promised myself I would be be cheerful and not cry. And here I am crying.” I told her that crying with me was the perfect expression of how we both feel. We pulled ourselves together and then she asked if I had been taking photographs or doing anything creative this week. It was a really insightful thing to ask. Creative types, like myself and also her husband, often need this sort of outlet to process our experiences. Growing up, my mom had an art studio over the garage… with this print by Fred Babb pinned to the door: “Go to your studio and make stuff”
And so I did. Grabbing a pitcher of purple tulips from my sweetheart and a tripod, I went out to the currently-under-construction-former-sideporch that will soon be my office. To a space all my own, that is just forming and full of possibilities. I wanted to take images of myself that were open and honest, without forcing any gaiety that wasn’t authentic. I am here, I am blessed, I am heartbroken, I love, I am strong enough. This exercise was influenced by Australian glamor photographer, Sue Bryce, and the process Sue discusses using to get authentic, natural expressions from her clients.
We all go through hard things in our lives. It is part of the human experience. I guess I hope by sharing this that you will know you are not alone. That it is ok to feel sadness. That sharing your tears with someone else can be more healing than forced smiles. And to follow your heart, giving yourself permission to create whatever you need to create.